The government of Mississippi fell to the Taliban today. After three hours touring the state, the holy warriors boarded flights back to Kabul.
"Our presence was not needed," Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar told reporters at Gulfport-Biloxi Airport. "Strict adherence to the will of God, the subjugation of women, and illiteracy have already been achieved."
The Mullah conceded that he underestimated progress in this area of the United States.
"The success of Governor Tate Reeves and his Republican counterparts has exceeded that of tribal elders in Marjah [a Taliban stronghold in southern Afghanistan]," he said, waving a small Confederate flag.
Baradar did express annoyance that he could not receive medical attention for his trick knee.
"The hospitals were full, and even the Pep Boys parking lot was jammed with people on ventilators," he said. "And no real doctors or nurses. I saw Manny, Moe, and Jack hooking up the patient IVs."