Governor Brown Offers $10,000 Bonus!

Oregon Governor Kate Brown has issued an executive order offering a $10,000 cash bonus to any resident who identifies any Proud Boy who properly uses the subjunctive.

Less than 30 minutes after Brown’s announcement, Lillian Pelouze, a retired English teacher in Troutdale, alerted media that her neighbor, known as “Proud Boy Pete,” seemed to “speak clearly and grammatically.”

Local media quickly identified the man as Pete Turner, who was arrested at the Capitol in Washington, DC, on January 6, and charged with one count of obstructing an official proceeding of Congress, a felony.  Turner was released on bail pending trial, which is scheduled to begin on October 15.

This afternoon, some 40 reporters and onlookers gathered outside Pelouze’s home, where she chattered amiably.

“He lives there,” she said, pointing to a paint-chipped bungalow next door ringed by “Stop the Steal” and “Mike Lindell Is My President” yard signs.

“His old horse is tied up out back,” Pelouze continued.  “It’s down with worms because, well, you didn’t hear it from me, but people say he took the medicine himself.”

“Are you in trouble for causing an uproar?” a reporter asked.

Pelouze shook her head. “Who cares?  The point is, I’ve never heard him violate the subjunctive, and I can sure use the $10,000!”

Turner, 35, heavyset, with a long beard and “Q” necklace, walked out of his house toward the gaggle of correspondents.

“You are fake news!” he shouted.

Pelouze did a jig.  “Subject, verb, object!”

“Q is real,” Turner insisted.  “Liberals have kidnapped children since the 1950s.  There were patriots on TV then trying to warn us, but the deep state had them silenced.”

“No one on TV was talking about QAnon in the 1950s,” a reporter said.

Turner exploded.  “If that was true –

The crowd erupted.  Pelouze buried her head.

“ – how do you explain Robert Q. Lewis?”

Turner’s lawyer arrived and hustled his client into the bungalow as the news crews packed up. 

This evening, Fox’s Tucker Carlson defended Turner, claiming the subjunctive was a “worthless construct that had infiltrated English by Indo-European elements.”

And told of the Proud Boy’s humiliation, former president Donald Trump threw Turner under the bus.

“I like insurrectionists who weren’t captured,” Trump said.

As of this moment, Governor Brown’s $10,000 bonus remains unclaimed.

Enough Is Enough!

Today I pledge to double or triple my political activism and speak out more forcefully about the issues I care about. I no longer have a radio show or podcast, but will use every platform available to advocate for social and economic equality, voting rights, reproductive rights for women, and forceful action to combat the effects of climate change.

I will continue to donate to and work hard for Democratic candidates at all levels of government.

It is frustrating that we do not live in a true democracy ("control of an organization or group by the majority of its members"). If that were true, Al Gore and Hillary Clinton would have become president after the 2000 and 2016 elections, and the Senate would be able to pass legislation with 51 votes or 50 + the VP as president of the Senate.

But we live in a constitutional republic, where the federal Constitution is now virtually impossible to amend and where the will of the people on critical issues is too often thwarted.

Consistent poll majorities favor a federal assault weapons ban and upholding Roe v. Wade. Gallup polled Americans on Roe in 1989, when 58% said do not overturn it. In Gallup's June 2021 poll, that number was also 58%.

Republicans are engaged in the most widespread contraction of voting rights since the Jim Crow era. The Republican-appointed justices of the Supreme Court have eviscerated the Voting Rights Act, and the filibuster has frozen any meaningful action by Congress.

Perhaps worst of all, Republicans in Washington have consistently refused to address the dire consequences of climate change. Deaths of Americans, disruption to our lives and our economy is already too high, and will skyrocket in the months ahead. Sixty-seven percent support making fossil fuel companies pay a carbon tax (December 2020 Yale survey). But Republicans continue to block it.

Frustrating and depressing? Yes.

Inspiring us to work harder? Hell, yes.

Millions of intelligent, compassionate, dedicated Americans are fighting the cancer of Trumpism wherever they find it. Tens of thousands of former Republicans are now onboard in that effort. Stacey Abrams has electified a new generation of voters in Georgia. Beto O'Rourke and other proud Texans are pushing back against racist voter suppression and the use of paid vigilantes to control women's bodies. MSNBC and responsible journalists are countering the cascade of lies and misinformation from Fox and Newsmax and Alex Jones.

Tucker Carlson has never retracted his praise for Dan White, who murdered Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone in 1978. He has never apologized for calling Iraqis "primitive monkeys" or gay people "fags." All that fits perfectly on Fox, because hate sells with the "Christian" Trump crowd.

I’m all in on a better version of America.

And thanks to each of you for what you do!